The Ponderings of an Unhinged Mind

It's been a while

2011-03-02T10:29:00.000-08:00

Wow, it has been a long time since I've done this. What's new? Well, I recently joined a new dating site and for posterity, I will not endorse it (no matter how many people are on it) or condemn it (no matter how many creepers are on it). One thing this particular site has to offer is next to the picture of a perspective suitor, is this person's tag line. I have chosen a few of these and given my initial response to them. Enjoy!

Them: Actually cares and doesn't use women!
Me: I am glad you have quit using the harder drugs.

Them: Looking for a cool girl...
Me: Try the freezer section...

Them: Looking for my princess
Me: I'm sorry, but your princess is in another castle.

Them: looking for a good hearted lady
Me: I have a murmur.

Them: Good Guy Looking For A Girl Worth My tim
Me: Who Is tim And Why Isn't He Here Now?

Them: Trying to find you...
Me: You are looking for Waldo too?

Them: Be Yourself
Me: Alright. I am Batman.

Them: AM I YOUR TYPE?
Me: My blood type is B+

Them: But my mom says im handsome!
Me: She also told you about Santa

Them: Looking for an understanding woman!
Me: I don't get it.

Dear Guys Upstairs

2010-09-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

The following is inspired by another blog I saw. I am not quite clear on the name of the blog, but it involved a guy who wrote letters to his female neighbors upstairs. I feel that the time has come for me to use the same tactic.

Dear Douches above me,

What the hell is going on up there? Are you running laps around your room? Is there some sort of furniture that needs to rotated in a circle and dropped every five minutes? Perhaps there is an elephant in your room. How the hell could there be an elephant in the room? Did you put it in the elevator or simply drag it up the stairs? It is in fact Wednesday night, so it is highly improbable that you are inebriated. How can you make so much noise? I hope the elephant is okay.

Sincerely,
Your downstairs neighbor.

*Ok so it wasn't that great, but give me a break, I have had all the creativity drained out of me.

I Don't Know

2010-07-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

If anyone reads this (which I have my doubts), I just want to die. I recently have had not the best .news. I feel like I am so alone now. I can't talk about it and every time I think about I become more depressed. I cannot understand why this is happening to me. I really think that I cannot handle this alone...why do I have to be alone? I really wish I could be numb for this.

So...I've Been Thinking

2010-06-21T22:12:00.000-07:00

Without having classes to occupy my mind, many things have come forward. And if anyone is reading this, which I have my doubts, you are the lucky receiver of the following rant:

We spend our entire childhood being told that we are special and unique, but then we spend the rest of our lives trying to find someone like us.

Welp that's basically it. Have a good life!

Injury update

2010-04-29T22:29:00.001-07:00

Due to recent events that are transpiring, I am going to keep an injury list:

January 1-broken eardrum with wire necklace

February 14-sprang ankle on stairs in St. Mary Hall

March 14- burned with boiling water at home while killing chickens

April 28- lost voice due to loss of sleep

May 22- bruised my ass on the stairs

June 24- brother hit me...arm is still numb

July 1 and 12- You do not even want to know

August 1- Cat tried to assassinate me. Fell 3/4 of the way down the stairs on my tailbone.

September- I survived September! Praise Jesus!

October

November

December

It's Hot Outside

2010-04-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

So...umm yeah, I know what you are thinking, another post, fantastic. Welp here she goes. First off it is figgin' hot outside, but I feel great because I am sitting in an air-conditioned room, in my underwear. It feels fantastic.

Now for a little segment I like to call, what I learned.
So for a quick update. I recently joined a website called okcupid.com I love this site, it is so fun. I have even gotten a few friends to join. Anyways, I have met some pretty awesome people through it, but I have come to this theory.

Younger men are looking for sex.
Older men are looking for someone to impregnate.

No offense, I am sure there are some nice guys out there, but I have found this to be true in my situation. ***Sigh***

That is all citizens. (Sorry, lame post)

This Shit Sucks

2010-04-06T20:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, so here is an update to those of you who are interested in my life. 2010 will go down as the year of injuries. I believe this year to be the year that I have acquired the most injuries in my life...(If you are reading this, I hope you realize this is going to be a pity party so you should stop reading now. OK, if you are still reading, I am going to say sorry, but I warned you). I rung in the new year by breaking my eardrum. I spent my Valentine's Day by getting a sprained ankle. And I ended March by getting a second degree burn on my stomach (which I am pretty sure has become infected and will probably end up killing me, damn you Disney). On the plus side, I have been corrupting my friends by making them join a dating website. So tune in next time for fml...night all.

The Christmas Tree Looks So Pretty When It Is On Fire

2010-01-17T12:34:00.001-08:00

So, I am back. Nothing too eventful has happened. To ring in 2010, I broke my ear drum. Now I find myself directing a play (this is the first time that I have done this) and it is giving me stress pains like none other. Well back to my focus, a friend (very dear to my heart) texted me over the break (a few days before Christmas) and this is what she had to say:

(HER): I have a new family story for you. Our neighbors are pot smokers and there [<---this is not a typo] vent is attached to the one on my bathroom. I have been in there wrapping present with the door shut all day. Im flying high and mother is pissed.

(ME): Lol. At least you feel good

(HER ): I feel like a feather but my head is pounding. I feel funny. Not a good funny. I bet i could be very graceful right now.

(ME): What am I gunna do with you?

(HER): Evict my neighbors or come over and join me. And we can invite alyssa and brandon and anyone else.

(ME): I don't think that I can do either.

(HER): Ok. Your probably right. This is a smelly dilemma. Im supposed to be teaching [a dance class] in about an hour. My mouth hurts and i have to teach a class

(HER): Im making a christmas chain out of paper. Its difficult Glue is gross

(ME): I am kinda tempted to call you right now.

(HER): Not good choice. Mom is near and she wont want to hear high me. I say what is on my mind without thinking. Bad bad bad

(ME): Well if it makes you feel any better, I am not feeling to well today.

(HER): Christmas cookies make me feel better. Eat some now.

(ME): I don't think that would be the best choice for me.

(HER): Ok well more for me. I was in there close to two hours. I got side tracked while wrapping a lot and i painted my nails red. With glitter I made a choice to sit in my room and not be social with family. But I was wrapping there gifts. I could not let them see. Christmas would be pissed. Thats how it went down. Down town down. To the town. I should write.

On a side note, this story is 100% true. Some things have been edited to secure the identity of certain peoples, but other than that, that is my Christmas break.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

2009-09-18T16:16:00.000-07:00

I know this is a little more boring than my usual stuff, but I feel that I need to get it out there

(Waring: This note does not contain all of my favorite things, but the majority.)

When men open the door for me.
Easy Mac.
Manners.
A comfortable pair of jeans.
Not wearing clothes.
Sleep.
Movies
Friends and family
Inappropriate comments
Omegele.
Books
Superheroes
Pj bottoms
Boxers
Cool sunglasses
Peace signs
Posters
Jesus
Jensen Ackles
Chuck Norris
Mr. Bean
Musical soundtracks
Monty Python
Mel Brooks
Classic rock
IHOP
Cows
Drinking glasses
Pocket knives
Green eyes
Glasses
Green
Water
Coke
Mango cool breezes
Lilacs
Theatre
TV
Sega Genesis

My Sincerist Apologies Mrs. Jones, I Thought It Was Dead

2009-08-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

So here is my apology. I have realized that my last post were a bit emo and I would like to apologize for this. As it is a new school year, I plan to make it.
I have been looking at several websites that I'm sure everyone needs to visit. These sites include mylifeisaverage.com, omegle.com, and textsfromlastnight.com.

I recently decided to make lists of surprising things about my friends. I am not sure how they will feel about this. Hopefully they will not mind.

Nothing new. The only love interest I have are the random people I meet on Omegle and never talk to again.

Please submit all questions in triplicate and give them to the secretary who will promptly shred them. Good night folks.

Take Home Tonight

2009-05-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

To relieve myself from the scary world that surrounds me, I have decided to share some of my poetic works that haunt me:

Leaving You

It is the hardest thing for me to do

I have to admit I don't want to

I see you sitting there

I will push you away

This moment is my pain

I don't think you'll notice

I begin to cry

A small trickling falls from my eye

The time has come

I am a mess

I never thought it would come to this

Now

Your arms wrapped around me

My heart feeling free

My hand in yours

Your lips begin to lure

I can see it now

The room begins to bow

I wake from this cruel dream

What does this life really mean?

Forgotten

You are with them

I am here alone

You say you are stressed

I am stressed too

You say you forgot

I remembered

You barely call

When I call you seem uninterested

You don't visit me

I am working really hard to see you

You won't hug me

I long for human contact

I love you

My People

You sit with me

You understand

You listen to me ramble

You understand

You are concerned

You understand

You help me

You are great

A Cry in Anguish

2009-03-31T22:28:00.000-07:00

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXPERIMENT INTO THE PSYCHE. IT IS NOT REAL. IT IS A COMBINATION OF METHOD ACTING AND SOME LITERARY STUFF I CANNOT REMEMBER AT THIS MOMENT. NOTE: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I know that you will never see this, but I really need you to hold me right now. Life is crashing down on me and I can feel it. When I was mad at you, I couldn't feel anything, but now I can feel everything. I just need someone to hold me so that I can know what I am feeling is real. I need someone to hold me so I can know I am real. Why does life have to be so difficult? Why do we have to live like this? I hate this feeling I have. If you were holding me as a friend I wouldn't care...if it were something more that would be good too. I just really need someone. There is no one and I am stuck here.

Sugar We're Goin' Down

2009-03-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

So, one of my esteemed colleagues informed me that I have not blogged in a while so here's the quick update:

I can no longer sleep at night. I think that I was recently bitten by a vampire and didn't notice it. This theory may also explain my insatiable thirst for blood.

I recently cofounded the best game in the world: CUPBALL! It is easier to play and learn than to explain the rules. It is basically racket ball with a cup, a bouncy ball, and a few added rules. For more information on cupball, visit your local racket ball court and or green room or visit:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#/group.php?gid=57196604734&ref=ts

I do not know how that thing that has invaded my life for the last six months is going to go, but I am sitting nauseously on the roller coaster, waiting for it to stop.

Through recent observation, I have discovered that I have the greatest friends in the world.

Let's see, what else?

I am writing a spy story/novel that I intend for no one to ever read.

Lately I feel like everyone is in constant motion and I am standing still. I don't feel like I'm a part of any thing, just a lump, ready to fall off.

Well that's my life at the moment. How are you?

My Heart

2009-02-24T21:45:00.000-08:00

Here are some poems I thought that my readers might enjoy. They are pure fantasy, so in other words don't read too much into them.

My Heart

I gave it to you

I gave it willingly

I gave it to you whole

I gave it to you with care

You looked at it

You took it

You scrutinized it

You have it

Now, what will you do with it?

Numb

Can't eat

Can't drink

Can't breathe

Can't move

Can't feel

Can't think

Can't sleep

Can't dream

Can't cry

Can't sigh

Can't die

Can't live

Can't...

So I Did It

2009-02-22T14:55:00.000-08:00

I took the plunge. I peed in the wind. I jumped out of the airplane. So here we are. I told him what was what and now we are stuck. My mind is a whirl. He told me he knew after all. HE FREAKIN' knew! But now he doesn't know. How did this life become so complicated? When did the world stop spinning, and why am I not still completely on? He knew! That's what I am upset about! He knew! Well now I can breathe easy for a little bit, but still I want to hold on. He is the one to think now, not me. I just hope it works for the both of us. I understand his reservations, but he needs to consider that we are mature people (most of the time) and I think that we can work through this. Well, that's how I feel. I have an audition tomorrow, I hope that it goes well. I know that modern fairy tales don't always have good endings, but I hope that I can accept my ending.

I Hate You

2009-02-18T23:50:00.000-08:00

Warning:

The following is just a thought. It is not directed at anyone! It is merely a ranting of an unhinged mind! You have been warned.

I HATE YOU

You are so stupid

I hate you

You never listen

I Hate you

You left me

I HAte you

You ignored me
I HATe you

You fell for him

I HATE you

He hurt you

I HATE You

You didn't like my advice
I HATE YOu

You abandoned me

I HATE YOU

I CAN'T TAKE IT

Can't you see how I watch you?

Can't you hear the tone in my voice?

Don't you see how much attention I give you?

Don't you hear the fear in my heart?

Won't you see the want on my face?

Won't you hear my anguish?

Shouldn't you see the pain in my eyes?

Shouldn't you hear the tears rolling down my cheeks?

My Friends

When I cry...you are there

When I fall...you are there

When I complain...you are there

When I am cheerful...you are there

When I lose it...you are there

When you are there...am I there for you?

My Bloody Valentine in 2D

2009-02-14T14:58:00.000-08:00

So this is my St. Valentine's Day (Now with commentary) :

-Woke up (Oh crap another day!)

-Went to the bank (In the clothes I slept in, however I did put on a bra, my logic, if I got in a car crash and died I would want to be wearing a bra)

-Came back with cash (Not a good idea, it is already burning a hole in my pocket)

- Went to lunch (With one of my Bffs and her BF)

-Ate (Not very well, who knew it was so hard to make a sandwich?)

-Went back to my room (I am so lonely)

-Called home (In search of mom...she was at work, so I chatted with Dad)

-Called mom (Talked about how weird life is)

-Did laundry (Outta panties + No quarters = Undergarments in sink)

-Made a impromptu clothes line (Had to explain it to my roommate. It was constructed of yarn, tape, and safety pins; stayed erect in 3 attempts)

- Watched some Twilight Zone (Is that weird?)

-Put in Sweeney Todd (Roommate was talking to her sis so I couldn't hear it very well)

-Started blogging (And here we are)

So for all you lovers out there, just remember for us single bastards, V-Day is just another day...however you and your partners make us depressed...oh well... and tune in next time for another random pondering, thank you and good night planet earth.

Why?

2009-01-31T23:31:00.001-08:00

Why do men have to be so complicated? I mean they are suppose to be the ones that aren't complicated. WOMEN are suppose to be complicated, but guess what? It's the men! Know why women are so COMPLICATED? It's not hormones, it is the men in their lives! Women are don't want to be hurt again, that's why they are so complicated! The men take their words and twist them into viper's spit. The men need to stop. To get a woman, just be honest, don't be cool. If the purpose of life were meant to be cool, then we would all be ice cubes wouldn't we? Because men try to act cool, they are manufacturing these women of ice. ARGH is what I have to say to you men. I am so tired of this shit and when it stops I'll still be here. Listen, this is all I want, STOP MAKING ME HURT I am so drained from this unnecessary circling. When will it end? Well I have done enough rambling. This has been more ponderings of an unhinged mind. Tune in next time to hear me say something random!

Cinderella

2008-12-18T22:04:00.000-08:00

Do we all have our happy endings or is it just a dream made up for those who are unhappy? People have their fairy tales to keep them on the "right path" or to give them hope, but are these fairy tales true? Let's take the classic view of Cinderella.

THE FACTS:
We have a young girl with an "evil" guardian and her equally "evil" step siblings. The poor young girl is enslaved by these evil people being made to do the grunt work of the household. Enter the prince who NEEDS to find a wife. Throw in a ball that Cinderella isn't allowed to go to. Add in a dash of fairy godmother, a pinch of lost glass shoes and the rest is happily ever after.

THE POINT:
Now we are getting to the main point of this discussion; what is HAPPILY EVER AFTER? We hear it all the time, but do we know what it means? I had a conversation with the leading experts on this matter and here is what we have concluded.

THE DISSCUSSION:

THE PROFESSOR: The happily ever after stems from the wanting of human nature to have a good ending. It is just a thrist brought on by our ancestors as a need for poetic justice. The step-family? They get nothing while meek, good little Cinderella gets it all. The story must end so we as humans need to let it hanging. And this hanging gives us the sense of poetic justice.

THE PREACHER: Cinderella is whom we should all strive to be! When she is told what to do she does it! As she listens to what she is told and she recieves SALVATION! Hapily ever after is the eternal salvation given to the meek, humble girl that we should all be like! AMEN!

ALL: Amen?

THE EMO/GOTH*: Cinderella is the girl nobody gets. Happily ever after is the euphoria she feels after releasing the inner darkness that lays wothin the extreme depths of her soul.

THE REALIST: Cinderella had kids and died. That's all it boils down to...WE ALL DIE

THE WALLFLOWER:Well I think...

ALL: SHUT UP!

THE HIPPIE: Cinderella was a groovy chick and she found her far out man in a peaceful explosion of the mind and they were left in a field of flowers forever. Mind blowing isn't it?

THE CHILD:She lived happily ever after.

ME: Well thank you all and I hope we can have another intellectual discussion like this again.

WHAT I THINK:
As we change and grow we see things a little bit different. So what is happily ever after? It is what you make it. Believe in your happily ever after, but sometimes listen to what others say too. Well this has been another pondering of an unhinged mind; tune in next time to here me use the word "hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia." Good day...

*I know gothes and emos are not the same thing to some, and exactly the same to others, I am using the two terms loosely even though they have their distinct differences

What better way?

2008-12-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

I do not have class today, so what better way to spend it? Not doing homework obviously...blogging!!

I feel like crap, all I want to do is sleep. It is snowing but I prefer it to snow at night instead of during the day. There is just something magical about awaking to an unspoiled landscape.

Right now I just want to sleep, but I really need to work on Christmas gifts and my play and set. I wish that person would stop being so confusing. Why does this person have to be like this? **SIGH**

I am ready to go back home! I love the dorms, but I love home too. I really miss my younger siblings and would do anything for them. Well there is your randomness for the day...tune in next time for some possible poetry. This is collegegal signing off, stay classy San Diego!

Here we go again

2008-11-13T19:16:00.000-08:00

So here we go again.
The thing I mentioned, about taking people's pain on my shoulders. I really want that ! I am so distraught with people's suffering and pain. Please just let me take it away.
I know I can't be happy, but everyone else should be able to be.

My love life is non-existent. All my friends are coupling and stuff, however I am stuck in a relationshipless rut. The last few nights I have had dreams about it. I never see the guy's face but he is there. I have narrowed this down to a few possibilities: one, I am crazy; two, my subconsciousness is projecting my inner fears of never finding someone; and three, God is telling me that I will find that someone, even though I can't see him...he's out there. I like to think that I am crazy.

I want this feeling of not moving to stop. I want this world to see me, accept me and understand me. I want to be happy or see no one else suffer.

Well there you go...I am still me, this is my life, hope you weren't too bored.

Happenings

2008-10-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

So I got my birthday present from Patrick last night, it was pretty sweet! It was him acting out the entire Blazing Saddles movie. I loved it. It was amazing.

I went with one of my best friends to the hospital last night, she received the wrong medicine from the pharmacy and thought that she had over dosed. I was pretty scared about the ordeal. She was fine, the doctor told her that she was just having a really bad reaction to the medicine. I am still concerned about her, although it is just my motherly instincts kicking in.

My other best friend is feeling sick and I wish I could help her too. Sometimes I wish that I could just take all of the pain of the world on my shoulders so that everyone else can be happy (I know what you are thinking...I am such a martyr, I really am not, I just feel that way).

I auditioned for Babes in Toyland today, that was fun...hopefully I'll get a part...if not, oh well.

So this is my blog

2008-10-25T21:58:00.000-07:00

So this is a blog...okay. I am really not expecting many people to read this, so let's get started:

Right now I am confused about life, one person in particular.

I just don't understand, one moment I think this person likes me and the next moment this person completely ignores me. I know at first I was standoffish because I was scared. I am not the kind of person to "fall for anyone" but now I am open for whatever happens. The problem is NOTHING is happening except for the occasional flit but nothing else is happening...WHY?? I just wish that I knew. This person told me me that they want to focus on family and school. Why would I be an interference? Why not an addition? It just makes me so frustrated and I don't know why, I AM NOT THIS KIND OF PERSON. I just things worked out for me and not everything else.

Other than that I am pretty content with life and the journey ahead. I know that things are going to be bumpy but I am ready for the roller coaster to come.