A Cry in Anguish

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXPERIMENT INTO THE PSYCHE. IT IS NOT REAL. IT IS A COMBINATION OF METHOD ACTING AND SOME LITERARY STUFF I CANNOT REMEMBER AT THIS MOMENT. NOTE: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I know that you will never see this, but I really need you to hold me right now. Life is crashing down on me and I can feel it. When I was mad at you, I couldn't feel anything, but now I can feel everything. I just need someone to hold me so that I can know what I am feeling is real. I need someone to hold me so I can know I am real. Why does life have to be so difficult? Why do we have to live like this? I hate this feeling I have. If you were holding me as a friend I wouldn't care...if it were something more that would be good too. I just really need someone. There is no one and I am stuck here.

Sugar We're Goin' Down

So, one of my esteemed colleagues informed me that I have not blogged in a while so here's the quick update:



I can no longer sleep at night. I think that I was recently bitten by a vampire and didn't notice it. This theory may also explain my insatiable thirst for blood.



I recently cofounded the best game in the world: CUPBALL! It is easier to play and learn than to explain the rules. It is basically racket ball with a cup, a bouncy ball, and a few added rules. For more information on cupball, visit your local racket ball court and or green room or visit:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#/group.php?gid=57196604734&ref=ts



I do not know how that thing that has invaded my life for the last six months is going to go, but I am sitting nauseously on the roller coaster, waiting for it to stop.

Through recent observation, I have discovered that I have the greatest friends in the world.

Let's see, what else?

I am writing a spy story/novel that I intend for no one to ever read.

Lately I feel like everyone is in constant motion and I am standing still. I don't feel like I'm a part of any thing, just a lump, ready to fall off.

Well that's my life at the moment. How are you?

My Heart

Here are some poems I thought that my readers might enjoy. They are pure fantasy, so in other words don't read too much into them.

My Heart

I gave it to you

I gave it willingly

I gave it to you whole

I gave it to you with care

You looked at it

You took it

You scrutinized it

You have it

Now, what will you do with it?

Numb

Can't eat

Can't drink

Can't breathe

Can't move

Can't feel

Can't think

Can't sleep

Can't dream

Can't cry

Can't sigh

Can't die

Can't live

Can't...

So I Did It

I took the plunge. I peed in the wind. I jumped out of the airplane. So here we are. I told him what was what and now we are stuck. My mind is a whirl. He told me he knew after all. HE FREAKIN' knew! But now he doesn't know. How did this life become so complicated? When did the world stop spinning, and why am I not still completely on? He knew! That's what I am upset about! He knew! Well now I can breathe easy for a little bit, but still I want to hold on. He is the one to think now, not me. I just hope it works for the both of us. I understand his reservations, but he needs to consider that we are mature people (most of the time) and I think that we can work through this. Well, that's how I feel. I have an audition tomorrow, I hope that it goes well. I know that modern fairy tales don't always have good endings, but I hope that I can accept my ending.

I Hate You

Warning:

The following is just a thought. It is not directed at anyone! It is merely a ranting of an unhinged mind! You have been warned.

I HATE YOU

You are so stupid

I hate you

You never listen

I Hate you

You left me

I HAte you

You ignored me
I HATe you

You fell for him

I HATE you

He hurt you

I HATE You

You didn't like my advice
I HATE YOu

You abandoned me

I HATE YOU

I CAN'T TAKE IT

Can't you see how I watch you?

Can't you hear the tone in my voice?

Don't you see how much attention I give you?

Don't you hear the fear in my heart?

Won't you see the want on my face?

Won't you hear my anguish?

Shouldn't you see the pain in my eyes?

Shouldn't you hear the tears rolling down my cheeks?

My Friends

When I cry...you are there

When I fall...you are there

When I complain...you are there

When I am cheerful...you are there

When I lose it...you are there

When you are there...am I there for you?

My Bloody Valentine in 2D

So this is my St. Valentine's Day (Now with commentary) :



-Woke up (Oh crap another day!)



-Went to the bank (In the clothes I slept in, however I did put on a bra, my logic, if I got in a car crash and died I would want to be wearing a bra)



-Came back with cash (Not a good idea, it is already burning a hole in my pocket)



- Went to lunch (With one of my Bffs and her BF)



-Ate (Not very well, who knew it was so hard to make a sandwich?)



-Went back to my room (I am so lonely)



-Called home (In search of mom...she was at work, so I chatted with Dad)



-Called mom (Talked about how weird life is)



-Did laundry (Outta panties + No quarters = Undergarments in sink)



-Made a impromptu clothes line (Had to explain it to my roommate. It was constructed of yarn, tape, and safety pins; stayed erect in 3 attempts)



- Watched some Twilight Zone (Is that weird?)



-Put in Sweeney Todd (Roommate was talking to her sis so I couldn't hear it very well)



-Started blogging (And here we are)



So for all you lovers out there, just remember for us single bastards, V-Day is just another day...however you and your partners make us depressed...oh well... and tune in next time for another random pondering, thank you and good night planet earth.

Why?

Why do men have to be so complicated? I mean they are suppose to be the ones that aren't complicated. WOMEN are suppose to be complicated, but guess what? It's the men! Know why women are so COMPLICATED? It's not hormones, it is the men in their lives! Women are don't want to be hurt again, that's why they are so complicated! The men take their words and twist them into viper's spit. The men need to stop. To get a woman, just be honest, don't be cool. If the purpose of life were meant to be cool, then we would all be ice cubes wouldn't we? Because men try to act cool, they are manufacturing these women of ice. ARGH is what I have to say to you men. I am so tired of this shit and when it stops I'll still be here. Listen, this is all I want, STOP MAKING ME HURT I am so drained from this unnecessary circling. When will it end? Well I have done enough rambling. This has been more ponderings of an unhinged mind. Tune in next time to hear me say something random!